The Missing Crewmembers

Just a quick note to update you all. You may have noticed that Jack and the Doctor have not been on the blog since we landed. The Doctor is extremely excited, having landed a job in a childrens toy shop, and is constantly bringing home broken toys to try and fix with his sonic screwdriver, which makes him far too busy to post on the internet.
Jack is still not permitted to leave the apartment building, but he has written to Torchwood One, explaining the necessary details and applying for a job. In the meantime, he has been very helpful around the house. He is currently in the kitchen starting on dinner and packing a lunch for the Doctor. (I swear, it's like living with a regular family! The Doctor and the Master are like small children--the former, a six-year-old ecstatic at his first day of school. The latter, a younger child, jealous that he is too young (or in this case, too dangerous) for school. I guess that makes Jack and me the parents?)
Oh, dear. The Master seems to have gotten the cat lodged in the ventilation shafts again. I think he's trying to convert her into one of his little minions. Luckily, Marie is too clever for that.

Changes in people

You know, of late the Master and Sophie have been acting a bit strangely. It started about 5 days ago, and that was about when they returned from Christmas shopping. The Master returned wearing what looked like a dirtier version of my coat, and an actual suit! Sophie stopped her research, and has been closer to the Master lately. It must be the power of Christmas! I remember the first time I met old Saint Nick, he was a rather lovely person. It was me who gave him those Deinturans. They looked identical to reindeer at the time...

Hmmm.
Anyways, when they returned, the Master looked completely stunned, and he rushed over and hugged me like he hadn't seen me in years. It was adorable, but Sophie seemed rather displeased. The Master has been much more calm and disciplined since, and always seems to have me in sight. I swear I won't look for your present! Jack hasn't been around much, I don't really know what's going on between him and Sophie at the moment though, so I haven't asked either of them yet. They seem to be avoiding each other.

Now I have to think about what to get everyone for the Holidays.

Oh, Doctor, you are not good at lying...

Today the Doctor suggested that he, the Master, and I should all go swimming as a "fun social activity". He then (conspicuously, I might add,) pretended to realize he had something else to do at the very last minute, leaving the Master and I by ourselves to "bond and socialize".

The Master had an excellent time terrorizing many of the small children in the pool, and laughing every time he tried to show off. He had quite the competition going with himself--how deep could he dive, how long could he hold his breath, et cetera. He tried to convince me to join in these contests, but I politely declined.
This led to the two of us spending half an hour sitting at the edge of the pool in silence. It was mildly awkward, which the Master felt the need to point out multiple times to anyone who walked by the lab after we returned.
Doctor, I hope you know the Master caused an inordinate amount of trouble when he found out how to change the chemical balance in the water. He got up to so much mischief that the pool staff have asked us not to return. Why couldn't you just go swimming at home? There is a pool in the TARDIS somewhere, isn't there?
New post to follow with updates from the lab!

Venus Project Fundraiser--Fantastic or Fiasco?

This week, in another attempt to force the Master and I to get along, the Doctor paired us up for the Venus Project Fundraiser. This year's Fundraiser was cookie selling. I used this as an opportunity to raise awareness for the Project. The Master was surprisingly helpful, aiding me in loading cookies into crates for the customers. He used this activity as an opportunity to find out which buyers had the most money in their wallets, by "helpfully" assisting people to pay for their purchases. Many of these customers returned a short while later, rather angry at the mysterious disappearance of much of the contents in their wallets. Among these customers was a small girl of about twelve, who had nothing in her bag but a toonie and a library card. (Really, Master? What could you possibly achieve by stealing a ten-year-olds library membership?)
However, I must admit that we did raise more money this year than any past fundraiser has. Because of our sudden increase in funds, the Project has been extended for another six months instead of expiring in fifty-seven days as it was originally supposed to. (This--in addition to the fact that my wrist is almost healed--means we can, in fact, go to the Amazon, which the Doctor has been bugging me about for a few weeks now.)

"Couples Bonding" with sophie.

The doctor tholught sophie and I needed to "bond" more so he sent us to couple's exercises. I got to do trust falls, a human custom I have always wanted to do. First you make someone trust you by catching them and then you let them fall. It's a hilarious game! Then I tried to strangle sophie as another trust game but it didn't work out. The group leader was a terible hippie-type woman who told be my aura was pink. Pink? I said. Is this because I'm gay? I then educated sophie on her ginger aurra. We played a game where i got to throw stuff at her. She asked me questions and didn't let me ask any. Here are some questions:

S: What attracts you to the doctor?
M: The hair.

M: Do you have fetish for jack's coat?
S: define fetish ;)

S: what would you do if the doctor died?
m: DON'T YOU DARE HURT HIM!!!!

M: Have you had sex with jack yet?
S: -she refused to tell me this. in human, this means yes-

S: What did the doctor say to convince you to let me onto the tardis
M: He didn't say anything, but he later promised to feed, and take you out for walks, and clean up after you, and that i'd hardly know she's there, and look, she can even do science a little bit!

S: Does the doctor like me better than you?
M: I HATE YOU!

It was fun.

HELLOOOOO!

Hello people! This is your lord and master, back from the creatacious period! I finally figured out why the dinosaurs went extinct! It's kind of a funny story. Ok, no, scratch that (Sophie I hope you're taking notes cause this is SKIENCE!) it's hilarious! It started with this fish, and then... ok, it it makes more sense in four dimensions. Doctor, can we "talk" about this later. (for the rather dim, by talk I mean have Time Lord sex.) I'm also applying for a new science project, making me the most proactive of our little trio. It's called Explorations of Venusian Mortality affects.  (for the rather dim, 101 different ways to kill people). And, I got funding! I am so hanawesome.

Back to Business

Since everyone was so preoccupied with the TARDIS-stalker, the argument between the Doctor and myself, the Doctor and Master's relationship, and the arrival of the Lava Shark and Jack, I've decided to bring us back to the original point: the terraformation of Venus. Right now we--sorry, I--am studying the adaptations that will have to be nurtured in the local life forms to allow both them and humans to live together harmoniously. Right now, we--er, I--have a Lava Shark in the lab and am running tests. (Thank you, Jack, for helping me move it.) I would like to encourage everyone to keep an eye out for Lava Snakes, as I will be needing some to study soon and they are quite common around here, although a nuisance to collect. They are rather difficult to spot, as they are lava-colored and have a similar motion pattern. I have set out a net in one of the larger lava-flow areas, but as Lava Snakes have excellent senses, I doubt I will catch any without help from others. (Hint hint!)
Well. Now you are up to date in the lab. Not much else is new, except for the Doctor's latest literary obsession with early 21st-century "chick-flick" style novels. The reason for which I have no idea. I'm less concerned about the cause and more concerned about the aftereffects, as the Master has recently become irritated that the Doctor is too busy with his books to pay attention to him and has instead been spending a lot of time in the lab trying to mess up my research. (The Master, not the Doctor.) So if you see him with a bunch of hairpins near my filing cabinets, stop him, because it means he's picking the lock. Again!

Doctor + Buffy = What Vampires? Those were totally Saturnynians...

With the beginning of this month comes a new barrage of questions, theories, and research opportunities that are dying to be explored, so we'll be quite busy in the lab for the next few weeks...Please excuse our sad lack of new posts for the next bit. Also as the Doctor appears to have gone AWOL, the Master and I are working on finding him. Knowing the Doctor, he's popped out to get an original copy of Dracula in London, 1897 and forgotten to tell us.

Look, i drew a self portrait!

Hanawesome: handsome plus awesome. I got a new tie! it's purple! like blood! I like blood. NOT LIKE THAT, JACK! I added my location as venus, which apparently for the rather dim is in californya. I mean , californya? Did they put a decoy there? Everyone know venus (NOT YOU JACK) is in cardiff! Californya is made of fake tans and vampires. Even the slightly dim know that! You poor pathetic wierdly-cardioligical-arranged (it's a word because i say so) ape-beings know that! But apparently, my computer dosent. Maybe if i threaten it it'll work better?

Well, Wasn't That Interesting?

Hello all, and welcome back to Venus Vacations! Please excuse us for our two-month hiatus. The Doctor, the Master and I decided to go on a brief trip in the TARDIS to celebrate the extension of the Venus Project. However, we ran into some difficulties and were delayed. (Those Raxacoricofallapatorians really don't like acetic acid, do they?) At any rate, we will be resuming the Venus Project exactly as planned. I am lobbying for the ISTA to extend the project for another few months, as we have used up a third of our remaining time in that little--ahem--adventure. Wish me luck in dealing with any...difficulties that may arise!

Shocking Research Confirms Theory

Our research in the lab has confirmed a shocking theory about the chemical buildup of Venus' core. Although I am unable to reveal full details to the public at the current time, I can say that there is a good chance that life exists deep below that harsh exterior! A probe is being prepared to drill through the surface of an uninhabited area with a message of peace as soon as possible! This is also our first experiment uninterrupted by the Master--perhaps he has given up on his evil schemes! The ISTA is sure to be pleased with our discovery and is sure to choose Venus for its next campaign! I will post further details as they arise!

--Edit--

Never mind the last bit. It was just the Master messing around with the computers! I SWEAR someday I'll get him back for this!

Venus Mission Extended

Good news for our research! The Venus mission has been extended for another six months! While this does mean I have to put up with several annoyances for longer than I'd hoped, it also means that my research can be delved into more extensively. This is good because there are a few places I have been wanting to see outside of the lab, but I was unable to leave because there wasn't enough time to repair my suit, which the Master ripped a hole in. Now that it has been extended, I will not only be able to repair it, but will be able to use it often as well!
The lab is undergoing repairs as well, since there was a major explosion there yesterday. I was the only one present at the time, and I managed to duck into the corridor just in time. I suspect the Master was behind it.

Research in the Lab

Research in the lab is going well, apart from a few minor explosions caused by certain associates. Most of our experiments have been successful, apart from a few of my personal favorites that were sabotaged.
While the Doctor and I explored the many aspects of Volcanic Surfing last week, the Master managed to rip a large hole in my protective suit. He continues to insist that it was an accident, and that he didn't MEAN to point the atomic laser in my direction, but I remain suspicious, as he has tried many times to get rid of me before. He also insists on excluding me from as many activities as possible, although I always find a way to participate, even when they are risky and dangerous. He also tries to embarrass me as much as possible, but I don't let these obstacles get in my way and continue to remain dignified at all times on this expedition.