Thursday, September 29, 2011

Biding Time

Hello everyone, you may have noticed that I have not been on here for a while. I have been quite busy doing...well nothing as I do not have a job and can't cross my own time stream, therefore not able to go outside without wearing a sweltering disguise. Another reason though is the Master has finally stopped hogging the computer which he has been playing solitaire on for the last couple of weeks (he can't seem to figure out how to do anything else on it...) He now has moved on to a new fascination...the air vents. I mean really Master you are as bad as having mice in the walls.
Sophie has been doing a great job of keeping me calm when I get anxious and claustraphobic being trapped in this apartement (with the Master) but hopefully Torchwood One answers my letters very soon otherwise I just might go insane.

Monday, September 26, 2011

The Missing Crewmembers

Just a quick note to update you all. You may have noticed that Jack and the Doctor have not been on the blog since we landed. The Doctor is extremely excited, having landed a job in a childrens toy shop, and is constantly bringing home broken toys to try and fix with his sonic screwdriver, which makes him far too busy to post on the internet.
Jack is still not permitted to leave the apartment building, but he has written to Torchwood One, explaining the necessary details and applying for a job. In the meantime, he has been very helpful around the house. He is currently in the kitchen starting on dinner and packing a lunch for the Doctor. (I swear, it's like living with a regular family! The Doctor and the Master are like small children--the former, a six-year-old ecstatic at his first day of school. The latter, a younger child, jealous that he is too young (or in this case, too dangerous) for school. I guess that makes Jack and me the parents?)
Oh, dear. The Master seems to have gotten the cat lodged in the ventilation shafts again. I think he's trying to convert her into one of his little minions. Luckily, Marie is too clever for that.

Wednesday, September 21, 2011

The Ventilation Obfuscation

Last night I awoke sometime around two or three in the morning to hear a horrifying sound. It was a cross between a dying chipmunk, someone trying to gnaw through sheet metal, and what the Master refers to as his "tricky noise". (read as: a muffled snicker he thinks the rest of us can't hear)
I got up to investigate this terrifying sound--armed with a small Molotov cocktail I happen to have saved for emergencies--prepared to deal with a serial killer or other horror-movie-esque intruder. What did I find? The Master, in an attempt find a way in and out of the flat without being seen, had crawled into one of the air ducts in the ceiling and gotten himself jammed inside it. I had to use a blow torch from the at-home lab to get him out. (Although I was tempted to leave him there until a more reasonable hour, or possibly several days)

Saturday, September 10, 2011

Day 5

As you can see, today is Day 5 of Living with Anomalies of the Time Stream (LATS)
Today I was flipping through a cookbook trying to find a recipe for dinner when the Master popped up asking where I kept the explosives. When I told him we didn't have any, he demanded why not. I explained that most levels of explosives are illegal, or can only be purchased with a license. After a long and frustrating conversation, he discovered that I do, in fact, own a license for such explosives. He was very surprised, and after a moment or two of stunned silence he demanded I go out and acquire some. After another equally long and frustrating discussion, we reached the conclusion that I would buy one small explosive if he made dinner.
Suffice it to say, I came home to find that dinner was explosive.
The Master has officially been banned from the kitchen.

Wednesday, September 7, 2011

Note to self

Humans: what is thier deal? why do they look like time lords? must research. where can one acquire a human? must consult internet, source of all knowledge.

also: update notes re: threat assessment of kittens. they may be a greater danger than previously thought.

Monday, September 5, 2011

Hello Again!

Well, if you read this blog I assume you already know how we got back to London, Britain, Earth, Universe whatnot. Anyhow! We got back, went through irritation and are now at Sophie's flat. I really wish I'd memorized more phone numbers, because I really can't reach anyone useful. Oh well. Right now I'm taking advantage of the normal life to try it out, the life that is. The normal life. An ordinary life. Hahah, this is so fun! We started watching TV shows, and now we have movie nights! Its so brilliant.
Also right now I have a job as an ice cream truck driver. I was aiming for manager of the museum of London, but I got sidetracked and through a bit of an interesting adventure I got the previously mentioned job. Its a bit unfortunate though, having been trap- living on Venus for, well, I lost track of time really. Anyways, now that we're back its all kitten-this and nannerpuss-that, and oh is that a hobo eating a baby how very interesting humans are.

I do so love Earth, oh how I missed it.

Back to Earth....Literally

Hello everyone! Sorry we've been so long. Unfortunately have been removed from the Venus Project due to the Gender Bender problem. Also, it turns out I was supposed to be working on the Venus Project alone, so Jack, the Doctor and the Master were staying in the Venus Research Center illegally. (even though they were fully self-sustained by the TARDIS)
En route from Venus to London, the TARDIS accidentally landed in Nevada, USA. After a good few days of frightening the locals, US government officials arrived and we were promptly sent to Area 51 for ''documentation''. Once convinced that none of us were illegal immigrants, aliens, or in any way exceptional (a complete and total lie) they released us and sent us back to Britain. However, the TARDIS was held for research. When they discovered the TARDIS was impossible to break into, it was supposed to be shipped to my flat in London. Instead, it is somewhere in Canada, travelling unaccompanied. Thank you, US postal service.
Now we are all crammed into my two-bedroom flat. The Master and Doctor share one room (sleeping on the floor until we can get another bed) and Jack and I share the other. So far we have survived one day living like this. I cook, clean, and generally take care of the upkeep of the flat. Jack keeps giving me puppy dog eyes because I won't let him leave the apartment because he's crossed his own timestream and we can't risk him running into his past self, who is currently running Torchwood Three.
The Doctor is trying to realize his greatest dream: living an ordinary life. He wants to work in a shop. So far all his applications have been rejected due to lack of real references. He tries to help with the cooking and cleaning, but keeps getting distracted by loose light bulbs, dripping faucets and Mrs. Next Doors new kitten. He has also fallen in love with several soap operas.
The Master hasn't even tried to get a job, and is instead lounging around the house, basking in his unemployed glory.
I don't know how much longer I can survive this.


I'm on earth. FML.

:C  <-- this is what my face looks like right now. BECAUSE IM ON EARTH. There are humans everywhere.