Saturday, October 30, 2010

Venus Project Fundraiser--Fantastic or Fiasco?

This week, in another attempt to force the Master and I to get along, the Doctor paired us up for the Venus Project Fundraiser. This year's Fundraiser was cookie selling. I used this as an opportunity to raise awareness for the Project. The Master was surprisingly helpful, aiding me in loading cookies into crates for the customers. He used this activity as an opportunity to find out which buyers had the most money in their wallets, by "helpfully" assisting people to pay for their purchases. Many of these customers returned a short while later, rather angry at the mysterious disappearance of much of the contents in their wallets. Among these customers was a small girl of about twelve, who had nothing in her bag but a toonie and a library card. (Really, Master? What could you possibly achieve by stealing a ten-year-olds library membership?)
However, I must admit that we did raise more money this year than any past fundraiser has. Because of our sudden increase in funds, the Project has been extended for another six months instead of expiring in fifty-seven days as it was originally supposed to. (This--in addition to the fact that my wrist is almost healed--means we can, in fact, go to the Amazon, which the Doctor has been bugging me about for a few weeks now.)

Wednesday, October 20, 2010

More Stalking

I found this the other day as well, in a file called "the End of Time."
No idea what it's about or when it was taken,
but at the very end, it was signed "A".

...I wonder...

Monday, October 18, 2010

"Couples Bonding" with sophie.

The doctor tholught sophie and I needed to "bond" more so he sent us to couple's exercises. I got to do trust falls, a human custom I have always wanted to do. First you make someone trust you by catching them and then you let them fall. It's a hilarious game! Then I tried to strangle sophie as another trust game but it didn't work out. The group leader was a terible hippie-type woman who told be my aura was pink. Pink? I said. Is this because I'm gay? I then educated sophie on her ginger aurra. We played a game where i got to throw stuff at her. She asked me questions and didn't let me ask any. Here are some questions:

S: What attracts you to the doctor?
M: The hair.

M: Do you have fetish for jack's coat?
S: define fetish ;)

S: what would you do if the doctor died?

M: Have you had sex with jack yet?
S: -she refused to tell me this. in human, this means yes-

S: What did the doctor say to convince you to let me onto the tardis
M: He didn't say anything, but he later promised to feed, and take you out for walks, and clean up after you, and that i'd hardly know she's there, and look, she can even do science a little bit!

S: Does the doctor like me better than you?

It was fun.

Friday, October 15, 2010

"Couples Bonding" With the Master: Bringing us Closer, One Injury at a Time

In an effort to force us to get along, the Doctor decided to persuade the Master and I to go to a trust workshop. I realize now that I should have set it up myself rather than allow the Doctor to organize it. Little did I know that he would become confused and sign us up for a "Couples Therapy" Workshop, where we spent eighty minutes "learning to understand each other." We did such activities as trust falls, where the Master (surprisingly) caught me several times before allowing me to fall, saying, "It's trust falls, isn't it?" (I would like to mention here that I caught him every time.) Another activity involved putting our hands around one anothers throats. I was unable to let the Master do this (for obvious reasons) although he remained perfectly calm while I held his neck. I was mildly tempted to throttle him, but decided against it. We also participated in a game where we passed a ball back and forth while asking questions. While I tried to use the questions to get to know the Master better, he used the question to learn such things as, "What is your greatest weakness?" "Can you swim well?" and "Do you have any potentially fatal allergies?" He also asked some more personal questions, which I will not disclose. When I posed a question to the Master about why majority of his evil plots did not seem to work, he took a long pause, then threw the ball at my face, yelling, "I'm making progress, okay?!?!" I managed to deflect most of these blows. He also did this to the workshop leader when she politely asked how we were doing.
When I made a point that stumped him, he would take a moment to think before throwing the ball at my stomach, screaming, "I hate you!!" I was less successful in defending myself against these.
Overall, the day was only a partial success. Neither the Master nor I are any closer or more trusting, although I now know a little more than I'd like to about the relationship between the Master and the Doctor.
In one instance, I threw a ball that was too high for the Master to catch. I made a joke about my question having "flown over his head." In retaliation, he threw it at my stomach, shouting, "I hate you!" After having caught the ball and throwing it back, my foot mysteriously slipped out from beneath me, resulting in a spectacular fall. I suspect the Master had something to do with this.
I returned to the lab with a broken ankle, a sprained wrist and a very bruised stomach. The Master returned with a scraped forehead and a black eye. I believe such injury would have been preventable had the workshops leader not been scared away after telling the Master to stop muttering about "The occult of Nigel taking over and killing you all." The Master flipped out when she referred to me as his wife and threatened her with Time Lord babble, resulting in what I believe is permanent trauma for the poor woman.

Wednesday, October 13, 2010


Hello people! This is your lord and master, back from the creatacious period! I finally figured out why the dinosaurs went extinct! It's kind of a funny story. Ok, no, scratch that (Sophie I hope you're taking notes cause this is SKIENCE!) it's hilarious! It started with this fish, and then... ok, it it makes more sense in four dimensions. Doctor, can we "talk" about this later. (for the rather dim, by talk I mean have Time Lord sex.) I'm also applying for a new science project, making me the most proactive of our little trio. It's called Explorations of Venusian Mortality affects.  (for the rather dim, 101 different ways to kill people). And, I got funding! I am so hanawesome.

Tuesday, October 12, 2010

Back to Business

Since everyone was so preoccupied with the TARDIS-stalker, the argument between the Doctor and myself, the Doctor and Master's relationship, and the arrival of the Lava Shark and Jack, I've decided to bring us back to the original point: the terraformation of Venus. Right now we--sorry, I--am studying the adaptations that will have to be nurtured in the local life forms to allow both them and humans to live together harmoniously. Right now, we--er, I--have a Lava Shark in the lab and am running tests. (Thank you, Jack, for helping me move it.) I would like to encourage everyone to keep an eye out for Lava Snakes, as I will be needing some to study soon and they are quite common around here, although a nuisance to collect. They are rather difficult to spot, as they are lava-colored and have a similar motion pattern. I have set out a net in one of the larger lava-flow areas, but as Lava Snakes have excellent senses, I doubt I will catch any without help from others. (Hint hint!)
Well. Now you are up to date in the lab. Not much else is new, except for the Doctor's latest literary obsession with early 21st-century "chick-flick" style novels. The reason for which I have no idea. I'm less concerned about the cause and more concerned about the aftereffects, as the Master has recently become irritated that the Doctor is too busy with his books to pay attention to him and has instead been spending a lot of time in the lab trying to mess up my research. (The Master, not the Doctor.) So if you see him with a bunch of hairpins near my filing cabinets, stop him, because it means he's picking the lock. Again!

Saturday, October 9, 2010

Unknown Documentation

Recently, as I was looking through the Tardis' log, I found these documentations of our lives before we had Sophie. So there you have it Sophie. I believe you once asked what we ever did without you, and here you have it. This was about all we did in the 5 months before we met you. Those were good times. Terribly dangerous, good times. Never played Candyland since.

But the funny thing is, we didn't record this. O-O
Master, I believe we have a stalker.

Thursday, October 7, 2010

Even I can't fix my hearts, and I'm a Doctor!

A week ago, I overheard my husband and Sophie mention a buffet, and upon further investigation, I discovered what they were hiding from me. The Master had apperantly cheated on me for my assistant. Is it because Im not ginger?! No one knows. They say it didn't happen, but as they are not willing to discuss it, I must assume the worst.

Obviously, Sophie is extremely promiscuous and needs to be handled with more care. As for the Master, my suppossedly faithful husband, I can't even speak to him at this time.

If they do not tell me the truth, I may be forced to leave them again. *sob*